Review: Nova #7 (Wells)

I finally found something to like about NINO! Issue #7 cured my insomnia! Yup; soporific #7 is a cliché-filled snooze-fest. Sadly, it further sullies and denigrates the legacy of the true hero whose name and title were stolen to smear across the cover of this intelligence-insulting excuse for a “cosmic” comic book.

Staying true to his Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon roots, NINO is particularly annoying in this issue as he bumbles from one pointless “adventure” to another. Whether he’s misinterpreting a non-dangerous situation as dangerous or nearly botching another “hero’s” rescue of civilians from harm; he’s written as an ineffective “idiot” (Loeb’s words – not mine) in every sense of the word. I found myself agreeing with Spock’s advice to him to just go home and watch Justin Bieber. No teen screw-up cliché is missed. Just roll your eyes at each one between swigs of Pepto-Bismol.

In the introduction, we’re told that NINO’s mom gave him permission to use his powers. Question: Wouldn’t that constitute child endangerment? Both parents have given a 15-year-old “idiot” permission to use the powers of a Nova Centurion – essentially powers equivalent to a tactical nuclear weapon. Is that responsible parenting? I wouldn’t want the most mature 15-year-old handling tactical nukes – much less an “idiot” like NINO. Anybody got the number for Arizona Child Protective Services? I want to report the Alexander’s so their parental rights can be terminated for sending a minor into kill-or-be-killed combat. Maybe Arizona will confiscate the “magic helmet,” too, and we can be done with NINO forever. When I consider the difference between what we had with the Rich Rider Nova – a powerful, effective hero – and what we have with NINO – a bumbling, ineffective idiot – I just shake my head in disgust.

NINO is an embarrassment to the legacy of the Nova concepts.

Used car salesman…….er………I mean, “editor,” Stephen Wacker, returns to the letters page this month. As usual, he cherry picks and publishes almost exclusively letters of fawning praise sent by persons self-professed as having no prior knowledge of cosmic or of any previous incarnation of Nova. One fawning NINO fan asks about Rich and is told that answers are forthcoming. In response, I invoke the ancient comic book ululation, “Noooooooooooooooooooo!” I don’t want Wacker, Brevoort, Loeb, Bendis, et al, having anything to do with Rich Rider. They’ve proven they don’t understand cosmic, don’t care about the feelings of the fans, and don’t respect the Nova legacy in the slightest. They’re only interested in slinging out “pseudo-cosmic” versions of teen Spiderman and “pseudo-cosmic” Avengers in near Earth orbit in a cynical attempt to entice Spider-zombies and Avengers-zombies to buy NINO and Guardians of the Galaxy. I use the word pseudo-cosmic because the cosmic aspects of their storylines are incidental rather than central – and every storyline is Earthcentric. Substitute teen Peter Parker for NINO and any of the casts from any of the seemingly thousands of Avengers teams for the GotG cast, and the stories would read exactly the same.

As usual, the art and coloring are the only things that keep NINO from being a complete waste of glossy paper for which too many brave trees needlessly sacrificed their lives. Medina and Curiel deliver some eye-catching work. It’s not enough to save this hot mess of a concept though – so save your money and buy good and true cosmic – like the Warlord of Mars series or Invincible.